That would be impressive and oddly amusing. Ahh, Amsterdam! Home of the Banana Bar and the most interesting maritime history anywhere.
And this guy driving that boat like that! And the Banana Bar.

December 31, 2008:
A woman from Amsterdam came out on the boat for a week of diving and sat on the port-side behind the dodger AM trip and PM each day. That’s a lot of diving.
She, a competent, experienced diver that had her shit handled. For example, she’d come up the ladder holding her fins around her wrist.  I respected that a lot. What if you fall back in? You’re not getting back on your own, and while shit happens, if you’ve got fins then shit won’t happen. See?
Women that handle their own scuba-shit get extra credit because that shits’ heavy on deck.
Coming up the ladder is a moment of truth. You are judged as either 100% or not. No wiggle room here. Of course, many people have special requirements and helping them in and out of the water was insanely fun and gratifying. Don’t let me over-snark my point. But its true: 100% or not.
She passed.
Her age? Well. Somewhere between 48 and 60. Women are a tough call because the hair can really fool you. Does it matter? Her eyes were real wise and old-soulish, like she’d seen a lot of crazy things. . She looked deeply, directly in as if my super-dark daddy-o’s were clear, and I got the message. She was deep-scanning me.
I passed..
On her last day we were sitting and talking in the warm January Key Largo sun and she slipped me her card.
“If you come to Amsterdam, call me. I run the place and I’ll show you around” in a thick Swiss/German accent.  Her cell number was on the back.
Well then.
Wouldn’t it be amazing to go? Set up a group shot on one of those round red beds…old Captain Bob all surrounded like some kinda latter-day Hef.
But the history! A grant! Directed study! Thesis in the first paragraph, I promise!
They’ll love me over there and yes, I CAN drive a boat with my ass but all I’d be able to crank out beyond that would be “Wild Thing.”
Takes focus, people.
Sometimes, your ass just knows exactly where it’s going and there’s no resisting that as long as you let it drive. Just big stupid circles playing “Wild Thing” in Amsterdam.
Isn’t that a St Francis reference? “Come kindly to follow your ass, for it bares you” or something.
“Now get me a brewski, swab.”
-Captain Ron


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